I Make My Best Decisions Drunk!

I think if there is ever a really big decision to be made, you should do it while you are drunk. As far as I can tell, the drunker you are, the easier it is to make a good decision.

For a shining example of a string of great decisions please consider this man.

Jose Cruz from West Virginia had a lot to drink last night. He then proceeded to get in his car and drive (Good Decision #1). Perhaps in an enlightened moment, Cruz decided to drive without his headlights on as to not draw any attention to his night time swerving (Good Decision #2).

Cruz was pulled over shortly after; stealth mode had obviously failed him. Cruz then failed his sobriety test (I am guessing it was not the SAT), and was arrested.

When Jose Cruz was brought in to get his fingerprints done he did the smartest thing ever. He paused, leaned over next to the officer, and farted on him (Good Decision #3).

According to the Criminal Complaint:

Cruz "scooted the 4 feet to PTLM. Parons, Away from Officer Cook, and lifted his leg and passed gas loudly on Parons. The Defendant then fanned the air with his hands in front of his rear onto Parons. The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature..."

And for this amazing act, Cruz was given not only A DUII, but he was also charged with battery of a police officer.

Bravo Sir!

Full Criminal Report (PDF)