Guess What: Lapel Pins Don't Matter

If you care about lapel pin American flags you are an idiot. Plain and simple.

Did IQs drop sharply all of the sudden? Are there really people who literally feel that wearing a lapel pin of the US flag actually matters? I thought for a while that is was just more rhetoric designed to distract the public from more important things (read: everything else), but as I read about the upcoming election I've seen one thing over and over:

"[I was] troubled by his early resistance to wearing a flag pin" (Source)

"You don't have the American flag pin on. Is that a fashion statement? "Those have been on politicians since Sept. 12, 2001." (Source)

“It just shows you he’s [Obama] not ready for the big time...”(ed: Ok, this one is just ironic in retrospect...), “Why do we wear pins? Because our country is under attack!” (Source)

I'm glad to know that a lapel pin signifies that you're ready for big-time politics (Palin should have on at all times) and that you're a true patriot (unlike all those America-hating terrorists without pins). But, if you seriously think that someone wearing/not wearing/alternating wearing and not wearing a piece of metal attached to their suit lapel actually means anything, you need to take a cold sobering look at your life and priorities. You are not capable of making an informed decision, so don't vote in this election. Or any other election. Ever.

The irony. It burns.

I Can Has Vacancy?

Apparently it's animal day on Internets Was Yes!

Tired of your tenants but have no grounds to legally evict them? You should try what one inventive landlord in New York did: put a bag of dead cats under the staircase to persuade long-time renters to leave of their own accord.

"It was so bad, we thought it was a dead body" one tenant told the New York Daily News.

Once renters discovered the dead animals, they filed suit against the landlord and representative company, "Heskel 1". I'm glad to see tenants taking a stand against such awful treatment, but according to the Rent Stabilization Association landlords group, New York anti-harassment protection laws for renters are poorly drafted and "will not be upheld by the courts". I like to think that a court of law would find fault with putting a bag of dead cats under tenants' main stairway, but then again I've never lived in NY.

Dog Eats Bean Burrito in ONE BITE!

I never realized how much I like animals, until I started this blog. Well, I like them a lot.

Even though this is funny, it is not that impressive. I know I can do it pretty easily. Note to self.... buy a video camera.

Now Bubba has to go outside for about eight hours.

Man, I want a bean burrito now.


If I Hear Main Street Vs. Wall Street One More Time I Will Explode!

The economy is in the pooper. The $700,000,000,000 bailout package was not adopted. And even though I got to hear a US Representative say that the bailout bill was, "a huge cow patty with a piece of marshmallow stuck in the middle of it," I am still not happy.

There is an auditory assault on our population. Millions of different newscasters, pundits, bloggers, shrubberies, and radio hosts are against us.

They will not stop using the phrase "Main Street Vs. Wall Street".

I want this tired phrase stricken from the books.

"I'm not going to eat that cow patty!"

I will now only refer to it as MSvsWS!

Perhaps if the internets did not exist; if we did not have 24 hour news networks, and radios only played music, this phrase would not bother me so. But we are so inundated with news media, being recycled and cannabalized, that there is nothing I can do to get away from it.

The only thing left for me; NO, for us, is to take a stand.

WE have nothing to lose.
I will never say MSvsWS again. Ever.


Ever Again.

If you are with me. Link to this post, digg this article, or leave a comment. We have to stop this madness.  

All websites and blogs in agreement will be featured on Internets Was Yes!

Just say no to MSvsWS!


The Ten Best Virtual Boy Games of All Time

Never one to shirk from innovation, Nintendo launched the Virtual Boy in the mid-nineties to compete with the already-saturated home virtual reality market:

It was a smash success - who doesn't remember the virtual boy from their childhood? The ubiquitous game console that everyone seemed to have - and if you didn't you could pretty much forget about sitting with the cool kids at lunch. Fond memories of pressing your face into the soft foam eye pads and preparing to be blown away with eye-searingly red 3D graphics from beyond your wildest dreams! In homage to the technological feat that was an at-home virtual reality simulator, we at Internets Was Yes have prepared for your reading pleasure a definitive list of the top ten Virtual Boy games of all time! So dig the Virtual Boy out from under that dusty Sega Master System in the back of your closet and take a trip down virtual memory lane. And keep in mind - these advanced graphics cannot be appreciated on a TV or LCD screen.

The Ten Best Virtual Boy Games of All Time:

#10 - 3-D Tetris
What can you say about Tetris that hasn't already been said? It's Tetris. It's awesome. But this was 3-D (That's right, three hyphen dee, old-skool style) Tetris - it took everything you loved about the old 2-D Tetris and added a whole new dimension. Challenging and consistently replayable, 3-D Tetris gets the #10 spot on our list.

#9 - Teleroboxer
Ah, Teleroboxer. For all of us dreamers who hoped one day we could transcend this mortal coil, have our consciousness placed into a mechanized robotic shell, and compete in a robot boxing league. In perhaps the only game of its kind, Teleroboxer offered us the chance to live this dream with stunning realism through the Virtual Boy's advanced VR technology. You could almost feel the cold fist of your opponent as you sparred against the best Teleroboxers in the world. To ignore the impact this game had on boxing games Virtual Boy market is impossible, giving Teleroboxer its solid #9 placement.

#8 - Galactic Pinball
With actual pinball machines becoming more and more rare as digital entertainment boomed, the good people at Nintendo sought to introduce an entire generation to the glories of Pinball. Virtual Boy was a perfect vehicle for this endeavor, and Galactic Pinball gave the player the excitement of playing in space. While the physics engine wasn't perfect, being the only Pinball game to grace the Virtual Boy, it easily deserves the #8 spot.

#7 - Mario Tennis
Coming bundled with the Virtual Boy, this was the game that everybody had to have, literally. It was an experience like no other (unless, of course, you are part of the Pudgy Plumber Tennis League), creating a veritable cadre of virtual John McEnroes the world over. I can remember a real sense of competition the first time that Mario served a blazing red ace right past my outstretched racket. Solid gameplay and a variety of playable characters made Mario Tennis the gold standard of tennis simulations for Virtual Boy owners.

#6 - Vertical Force
A vertical scrolling shooter in the vein of R-Type failed to capitalize on the 3-D nature of the Virtual Boy, but still provided amazing gameplay depth for a 2-D game and had an incredible amount of replay value. A must-play for fans of the genre, it won us over with its action-packed gameplay and tight controls.

#5 - Panic Bomber
Another masterful puzzle game from Nintendo. They took classic Bomberman and added top-down Puzzle Bobble-style gameplay to create an addicting mind-bender that kept you coming back for more. Even when my eyes were bleeding from the cutting edge graphics, I just kept telling myself "Just one more game". After I got out of Panic Bomber rehab in '97, my sponsor had me get rid of my copy, but I'll never forget what an amazing game it was.

#4 - Mario Clash
Combining classic 2-D platforming and 3-D shell-throwing action, Mario Clash was the closest thing to a side-scrolling Mario release for the Virtual Boy. But Mario gameplay is the status quo for a reason, making Clash an instant classic in an already strong lineup of games for the system.

#3 - Nester's Funky Bowling
Over fifteen years before Wii Bowling came along, Nester's was the only game in town for high-def 3-D bowling simulation. Nester's Funky Bowling is in the top three for its strong showing of bowling physics, but they even went one step better and made the bowling funky. This was the only time in videogame history that you could funk-ify your bowling experience, and let's be honest - it worked.

#2 - Golf
A game so good it didn't need a fancy title. Golf is what it was called and golf is what it delivered. I'll let the screen shot do the talking here - it was as close to being a Blue-Green colorblind golfer as you could get, and improved the genre with its truly 3-D styles.

#1 - 3-D Tetris
Cut down in its prime, the Virtual Boy only saw nine games released over its short lifespan. Because of this, after much contention between the Internets Was Yes editors, we decided to give the #1 spot to the same game as #10: 3-D Tetris has become the meter stick by which all puzzle games must be measured, and we'd be lying if we said that we weren't still powering up the good ol' Virtual Boy for another round of tetris long after we'd eBayed the rest of our games. You can't beat this masterpiece of logic and quick thinking for sheer replayability, and for that it has received the coveted title of #1 Virtual Boy Game.

(Thanks to Virtual-Boy.net for the screen grabs)

Related Post: The 8 Most Addicting Free Flash Games Ever!


Engrish Was Yes! Part Three

For number-one best t-shirt times, please for looking at pictures!

Once upon a time I lived in Japan. I took pictures of people wearing ridiculous t-shirt slogans. In this series, updated weekly, I will share them with you.

"Live Version. The moment holds you by the hand it goes on forever the whole world."

Understood meaning: No

Click For Entire Engrish Was Yes Series

The 8 Most Addicting Free Flash Games Ever!

Choosing the 8 most addicting flash games ever was no easy task. In fact, it was grueling. I had to play a lot of mediocre games in the last three months to find these amazing gems. These are the best flash games ever, and have made it to the top eight list based on the amount of time I have spent playing them.

Where most flash games are okay for about thirty seconds, these games will keep you coming back, and hold your attention for minutes, maybe even hours.

8. Portal - This is the flash version of Valve's hugely successful game: Portal. There are more than 40 challenging levels, and everything from the original is included in 2d - energy balls, cubes, (cake?) turrets and even the famous crusher from the trailer.

Flash Portal

7. Dino Run - In this addicting side-scroller you play a pixelated dinosaur on the run. Hence the name: Dino Run. Ok, so it is pretty simple, but the levels are very fun as you race against the pyroclastic wall of doom that is hot on your tail. The ultimate goal is to eat a lot of little dinosaurs, collect dino eggs, and get to dino-shangri la without getting blown up. You can also race your friends online!

Dino Run
6. Bubble Tanks 2 - Bubble Tanks is great because of its innovative level design. You can move in any direction, but the further away you get from your starting point on the map the harder your enemies become. As you kill enemies, your tank evolves up a three tiered skill tree, allowing you to play with 26 different tanks, and more than 30 different weapons.

bubble tanks
5. Desktop Tower Defense 1.5 - This is the best tower defense game out there. Unlike other tower defense type games, this one allows you to place your turrets anywhere on the map, as well as upgrade or remove them. In doing so you can create very customizable mazes to try to stop the "creeps" from getting across the map. This is a great game for strategy building, and I have once sat down and played it for almost three consecutive hours.

4. The Last Stand 2 - What could be greater than shooting 100 zombies behind a make shift barricade? Well, shooting thousands of zombies, with lots of new weapons in this great sequel. In last stand 2, you have 40 days to go from town to town, on your escape to Union City. This game has better use of survivors than the previous; you can equip them with weapons, and they will actually kill the zombies. There are also zombie traps, to help you on your journey.

3. Final Ninja - Nitrome makes some of the most addicting games out there, this being the best in the bunch. You are a ninja, and unlike other ninja games, this one is fun. You are equipped with shuriken, a grappling hook, and stealth mode. The stealth mode is a necessary aspect of this game, as there are many security systems and enemies. Also, the grappling hook is the best tool ever, and makes the puzzles even more fun to navigate. This game is very addicting.

2. Battalion: Nemesis - Remember Advance Wars for the Nintendo DS? Well this is it, but better and free. In this turn-based strategy game, you control an army and move each individual tank, infantryman, plane, and boat individually. It is a mix between chess and Red Alert. The AI is great, the turn taking is a nice change of pace, and the strategy involved makes me keep coming back. Unlike Advance Wars, you are rewarded for attacking, and it is a little faster paced. This is one of the best free flash games out there.

1. Boxhead The Zombie Wars - Finally, this is the most addicting game I have ever played. You are alone, and there are more zombies than you will ever be able to shake a stick at. This top down shooter features an infinite wave of zombies, mummies, witches, and devils. In Boxhead, you get to make your own base with automated turrets and barricades to try and stop them. There is also an awesome arsenal, including air strikes, miniguns, and rocket launchers. Each successive wave gets harder as the zombies get faster, and more devils shoot flames at you. SO MUCH FUN. If there is one game you are going to try, play this one.

Related Post: The Ten Best Virtual Boy Games of All Time

The Freedom Ship

Looking for a way to finally be free of the confines of dry land, but fear the life of a pirate or cruise ship activity coordinator isn't for you? Well, thanks to the good folks at
Freedom Ship, (no, not that kind of freedom ship) you can soon live on the high seas, without all the risk of scurvy!

And here I thought we'd learned our lesson about behemoth boats...

The Freedom Ship is being designed to be a completely self-sustaining community (as long as they can keep getting durable goods and materials from the mainland, that is) for you and your family to live within. On a boat. Circling the globe, port-to-port:

From Freedom Ship's website:

The Freedom Ship Project's Primary Objectives:
  • Provide a unique, traveling residential community, combining the amenities of a modern city with those of the finest resorts, in an attractive, stimulating, and secure environment.
  • Create a vigorous commercial community whose privately owned and operated on board enterprises will sell their products and services worldwide.
  • Establish the world's largest duty-free retail shopping mall and bring it to markets around the world with a steady and substantial stream of resident and visiting customers.
  • Develop the standard in education (US grades K through 12) for the entire world.
  • Provide the residents and crew with the finest healthcare facilities and plans possible.
So basically they're making a giant mall. That you can live in. And if you get sick of shopping, don't worry; they have a hospital. But wait, there's more:

"Attractive artwork and creative architecture would grace the ship. Parks and promenades would boast waterfalls, ponds, and extensive landscaping. Most levels would feature large saltwater aquariums. The shopping mall, one of the world's largest, would also be one of its most beautiful. Portions would be dedicated to individual countries, featuring culturally characteristic architectures. The planned 100-foot-wide main deck would lead to a marina at the stern. Over 200 acres of open area are planned for recreation and relaxation."

That's right. It will be a giant tacky mall.

I imagine life on Freedom Ship would would be somewhere between living in Bluthton and Sea Britain.

Oh, except Freedom Ship isn't a joke.

I was unable to find any information on how Freedom Ship will be powered, but unless there's been some fantastic advances in engine technology I'm unaware of, it's going to be either gas or coal. Very environmentally friendly, Freedom Ship.

Moreover, the designers of the ship seem to have been scammed out of most of their venture capitol when the man they put in charge of their money handed it over to someone in exchange for some magic beans, ahem, I mean a Peruvian Gold Certificate. While they battle that one out in Florida's court system, the whole project's on hold.

If, after all this, you're interested in becoming a resident of this future set-piece for horror movies (Event Horizon at Sea?) you can get in touch with Freedom Ship for potential resident information here.

New Eco-Friendly Running Shoes By END

END Stumptown 12 oz. Cross-Training Shoes - Women'sWhen it comes to the composition of running shoes, you will be hard pressed to find a pair that are not made out of livestock, nylon, or petroleum.

That is, until now.

Thanks to the new company, Environmental Neutral Design [END], you will now be able to buy some eco-friendly shoes.

END is a Portland company that was formed in late 2007 by former Columbia Sportswear and Nike Executives. They are focused on creating "a new culture, not a new corporation."

All END shoes use bamboo fibers in their liners, and the laces and webbing of their shoes are made from recycled plastic bottles. Most of the rubber they use contains about 25% recycled material as well.

In an effort to economize the use of materials, end shoes are quite light. They are only about 10 ounces, compared to the standard 12 to 15 ounces a standard running shoe might weigh.

Each pair of END shoes will cost you about $65-$95, and they are now available at REI.


Interactive Election Map

The Telegraph newspaper has created a most useful interactive map of the states, likely voting patterns, statistics on the population in each state and even likely margins of victory based on past elections.

As if we needed any more proof that many Europeans are as well, if not more informed than many Americans regarding our own political process.


Free Streaming Radiohead Concert

Internets Was Yes is dedicated to bringing you great findings from this series of tubes. Today I just came across this amazing super sound scape of a free Radiohead concert.

Here is a small sampling of their set list:

National Anthem, No Surprises, The Bends, Paranoid Android, Everything in Its Right Place, and much more.

The 2+ hour concert includes two encores (sorry if that ruined the surprise), and is everything and more that you should expect from Radiohead.

Go and listen to this free Radiohead concert right now at NPR

Dark Horse Donates Comics For First Archive In Nation

Portland State University is going to have the first Comic Book Archive in the nation. Dark Horse Comics, based out of Milwaukie Oregon, has donated over 3000 volumes to the PSU library.

Although this is somewhat less academic than what the PSU Library is used to, they are obviously getting a lot of requests for the comics. Some are using it for gender studies, American pop culture, and violence in literature. Not to mention the fact that there is an almost unlimited source of free reading material. PSU has at least three copies of every issue for every comic that dark horse has ever put out.

Darkhorse, being the third largest comic book publisher in the US, has a multitude of titles available. The best thing about them being available at PSU is that you can get them via Interlibrary Loans from your college.

Just request some Hard Boiled by Frank Miller, or Usagi Yojimbo, and have them send it to your college library. For questions, call the Interlibrary Loan desk at 503.725.3879


I Make My Best Decisions Drunk!

Jose CruzI think if there is ever a really big decision to be made, you should do it while you are drunk. As far as I can tell, the drunker you are, the easier it is to make a good decision.

For a shining example of a string of great decisions please consider this man.

Jose Cruz from West Virginia had a lot to drink last night. He then proceeded to get in his car and drive (Good Decision #1). Perhaps in an enlightened moment, Cruz decided to drive without his headlights on as to not draw any attention to his night time swerving (Good Decision #2).

Cruz was pulled over shortly after; stealth mode had obviously failed him. Cruz then failed his sobriety test (I am guessing it was not the SAT), and was arrested.

When Jose Cruz was brought in to get his fingerprints done he did the smartest thing ever. He paused, leaned over next to the officer, and farted on him (Good Decision #3).

According to the Criminal Complaint:
Cruz "scooted the 4 feet to PTLM. Parons, Away from Officer Cook, and lifted his leg and passed gas loudly on Parons. The Defendant then fanned the air with his hands in front of his rear onto Parons. The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature..."
And for this amazing act, Cruz was given not only A DUII, but he was also charged with battery of a police officer.

Bravo Sir!

Full Criminal Report


Couple Killed By Train in Darwinian Accident

A very stupid couple having sexual relations on the railroad tracks were hit and killed by a train in South Africa.

Is there a secret train-tracks fetish community that should be warned about this sort of thing? The couple reportedly ignored the conductor's yelling and "continued with their business", he told reporters.

I have a hard time even imagining a scenario where this seems like a good idea:
"Hey honey, would you like to awkwardly copulate between two steel rails?"
"Yes. Yes I would."

Surprisingly, this is the wrong answer.

And if train tracks are your thing, at least chose a decommissioned section of railway, as opposed to a train storage facility.

This had better get a Darwin award.

Giant Pig Will Take Bite Out of You

PigA very large pig has successfully outsmarted an Australian woman and animal control rangers by trapping her in her home.

The inhabitants of the town of Uki began feeding the pig, which they named Bruce, after it mysteriously appeared ten days ago, even as their new porcine pal began demanding ever-increasing amounts of food matched with ebullient, aggressive behavior. This culminated in Bruce attacking one Caroline Hayes as she left her home this morning. The pig "bit her leg and herded her back into her house, where she is trapped". You read that right. Bruce, a large pig, has trapped Miss Hayes in her home.

"'It's a beautiful male pig but he's just so big and so pushy,' she told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation"

When she tried to prod Bruce with a broom handle, he pushed her down and snapped the broom in two with his powerful mandibles. Animal Control was also unable to reign in the swine. They arrived today with a dog cage, much too small for the mighty Bruce: "'They tried for a little while and they couldn't do it. They got him halfway in [to the cage] and he just backed off and went back to my dam, where he was having a lovely time in the water.'" Hayes said.

Seriously? Why not just tranquilize the pig? Or lure him away with food? Or go out of the house through a back door or window? Worse comes to worse you could cull him and feed the town for a month.

As of this posting Hayes is still trapped in her house. Rangers will return tomorrow with a larger cage for a second try.

What is Her Rage Level? It's Over 9000!

A Vauxhall NovaThere has never been a more extreme case of Road Rage. Serena Sutton-Smith, 54, rammed her car into a Fiat Punto, just moments after dodging it.

According to Times Online,

She spun the wheels so fast that her tyres disintegrated and the metal rims sent a shower of sparks into the engine, igniting the brake fluid and setting the car on fire.

Appalled onlookers urged her to get out of the car as the flames licked around her but she told them to “F*** off”, an inquest in Gloucester was told.

Sutton-Smith burnt to death after refusing to get out of her Vauxhall Nova as she sat with her foot flat on the accelerator. Onlookers had attempted to help. One even opened the door and asked her to get out. She shook her fists angrily, screamed obscenities, and slammed the door shut.

This is madness. I have not seen anyone's Rage level peak above 9000 for almost ten years.


Who Wants a Mother's Milk-Shake?

A restaurant in Switzerland has begun serving foods made with breast milk. The new line of soups, sauces and stews are made with up to seventy-five percent human breast milk.

"'We have all been raised on it. Why should we not include it into our diet?'" Said the restaurant's owner, Hans Locher. Locher began cooking with breast-milk after he and his wife had their first child, noting that "'...[you] can cook really delicious things with it. However, it always needs to be mixed with a bit of whipped cream, in order to keep the consistency.'" I wonder what he cooked with the placenta (with afterbirth marinade, of course)?

It makes sense, really, since we normally consume other milk products we shouldn't necessarily be squeamish about human milk, but I'd be wary of potential pathogens present in any unpasteurized dairy product, no matter the origin. The Swiss food regulatory body is unsure if Locher is legally barred from serving food containing breast milk, since it is not explicitly noted as a banned substance. There is ordinance against "primate milk", so until someone points out to the food control authority that humans are classified as primates, you can get your fresh mother's-milk-based Mac 'n Cheese at the Storchen restaurant.

Also, for the economically-minded, Locher is offering 3 pounds ($5.40) for 14 fl oz. of breast milk, so if you happen to be reading from Switzerland and nursing, you could make some decent scratch.

UPDATES WAS YES! 9.24.2008:

In the wake of Locher's announcement, PETA has petitioned the ice-cream maker Ben and Jerry's to switch to using human breast milk in their ice cream products:

"PETA officials say a move to human breast milk would lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies on factory farms and benefit human health."

The real question here is how would they get enough breast milk to run their whole ice cream operation? Vast fields of nursing mothers with a baby on one breast and a milking machine on the other? Kudos to PETA for wanting to lessen the suffering of dairy cows, but unless they have a plan to actually get the amount of breast milk needed to make the national supply of delicious Ben and Jerry's the suggestion is moot.

Watch Out Disney: Fatwa Placed on Mickey Mouse

stressed mickey mouse
Leading Saudi Arabian cleric, Sheik Muhammad Munajid, has placed a fatwa on Mickey Mouse this week. He claimed that Mickey Mouse is "an agent of satan." As "one of Satan's soldiers," everything Mickey Mouse Touches is impure. Under Sharia (Islamic law), both household mice and their cartoon counterparts must be killed.

Watch out Disney, even though a fatwa is more of a recommendation than a direct command, all your Mouses are belong to us! If I were the plushie mouse in Disneyland, I would be on red alert.

This is not the only unpopular comment Sheik Muhammad Munajid has made this year. According to The Telegraph, "He condemned the Beijing Olympics as the 'bikini Olympics,' claiming that nothing made Satan happier than seeing females athletes dressed in skimpy outfits."

If these skimpy outfits make Satan happy, imagine how elated he must be over seeing Donald Duck, semi-nude as the day he was born.


14 Parcels 13 Achitects - Portland's High Density Architecture

Map of 14 ParcelsHigh Density Architecture GO! Kevin Cavenaugh's brainchild 14 parcels is Portland's best chance at getting shot into the Uber-Cool-Architecture-Spotlight.

Here is the plan: Cavenaugh will split the design of these 14 parcels between himself and 12 other architects. They are going to be working in cramped quarters, with the smallest of the lots being only 16 feet by 16 feet.

Fortunately, the zoning on this lot allows for structures to be up to 275 feet high. This is going to allow for some amazing high density houses and duplexes to be designed. The first two are going to be made by Cavenaugh - both 256 square foot houses.

The architects building on these 14 parcels are from around the world. Six of them are recent Harvard graduates. The others are from Brazil, Sweden, China, Nicaragua and Austria.
2 of the 14 experimental housesBesides being a global architectural spectacle, this is also an example of very functional land use. These 14 parcels will only be a short walk to the aerial tram that leads directly to Oregon Health and Science University, Portland's largest employer.

Hopefully this project is such a success that others will copy it across the nation. Could you image a world with no more cookie-cutter housing complexes? How sweet it would be.


Engrish Was Yes! Part Two

For number-one best t-shirt times, please for looking at pictures!

Once upon a time I lived in Japan. I took pictures of people wearing ridiculous t-shirt slogans. In this series, updated weekly, I will share them with you.

Engrish jesus
"Jesus Always Loves You Be Good Girl!"

Understood meaning: ?

Click For Entire Engrish Was Yes Series

World's Oldest Seed Makes World's Oldest Man Jealous

Scientists recently grew a palm tree, dubbed "The Methuselah Tree", from a 2000 year old seed. This was surely disappointing news to the world's oldest man, Tomoji Tanabe, who at 113 is a massive 1887 years younger than this amazing seed.

oldest seedsPictured: Four ancient date seeds and one hit of science-grade acid.

The team of scientists fervently worked to revitalize the seed by treating it with hormone laced fertilizers (this method was also tried with the world's oldest man, with a lesser degree of success) and were able to stimulate the seed to germinate and grow a stunning 1.5m palm tree (is a plant that size technically a shrubbery?). However, there is good news for Mr. Tanabe: according to the researchers "It will be another couple of years before they know whether the plant can bear fruit", while Mr. Tanabe has borne children.

oldest manTanabe, when asked how long he wanted to live on his 112th birthday remarked "for infinity", however he revised his statement this year to "another five years or so". The Methuselah Tree, while unlikely to live for eternity, will almost certainly sustain for at least another five years. But this grudge match isn't over - despite The Methuselah Tree's advantages in both advanced age and robust response to hormone therapy, it lacks the vigor to defend itself from a physical altercation with Tanabe. Hopefully it will be televised on Pay-Per-View. Right: Tanabe subjugates the mayor of his town with a bone-crushing grip.

World's Oldest Person, Edna Parker (115) had no comment on The Methuselah Tree.

Imense Photo Search, Best Image Search Ever

imense.com search image photo resultImense.com ought to be giving the folks in charge of Google Image Search a panic attack.

Instead of just searching the names of photos, Imense Photo Search looks inside the photo. This provides some amazing results, as you can ask for very specific images.
Because we can search "inside" the picture, you can also do queries such as "group of 5 ", "beach sunset", "red dawn over the mountains", "green centre purple background " etc., and Imense will find relevant images that match your description, even where the pictures had not been appropriately tagged by a person.Imense.com image result
I tested these searches out. I tried "group of 5" and came up with many options, one of which is the skydivers. I also tried out "green centre (they are British) with a purple background" and found the nice flower image shown. I am really happy with the images my searches found, and I think this is the result of some amazing programming.

Right now, Imense.com is in beta testing, so it only has about 5 million images to search from. Oh wait, that is a lot! These images are split into two categories, you can choose to search from amateur images that are found on the web, or you can search for images taken by professional affiliates of the website.

Another great feature about Imense.com is that it gives you a "Scratch Pad" where you can click, drag, and store the photos that you want to keep and use for a later date. This is some amazing search and image technology, I highly recommend that you check it out.


Splinter and other Hero Rats Sniff Out Mines in Africa

heroRAT hero rat Master SplinterThanks to Hamato Yoshi's training of Master Splinter, we all now realize what Rats are capable of. With the right Ninjutsu guidance they can fight crime and save lives.

"Rats saving lives is impossible," you say. Well guess what my friends, there are some real life non-mutagenated rats out there working for the good of the land.

Thanks to a combination of ninjutsu and Pavlovian response training heroRATS are GO!

These heroRATS have been trained to sniff out land mines in Tanzania and Mozambique. The benefits of having a rat locate mines are numerous. For one, they are light enough that when they find a mine and start scratching at the ground for their treat, they do not explode.

The African Giant Pouched Rats are well suited for hunting mines because they are easier to train than dogs, they stay healthy in tropical areas, and they heroRAT hero rat Master Splinterare cheap to breed and raise.

Each heroRAT can use its ninjutsu skills to detect 200 square meters of mines a day. If you want to adopt a heroRAT and name it MASTER SPLINTER, you can do this for a one time donation of 250€ a year. For more information please go to herorat.org

An Original Ad Concept by Microsoft

It's no secret that Macintosh products have been moving front and center of the computing landscape: They're hip! They're trendy! They don't get viruses! They increase your social capital! And they have an admittedly effective "I'm a Mac" ads that have been plaguing Microsoft since they began airing:

Oh, wait. Macs only have a 21% market share. That means that a vast majority of the remaining 79% of the market is Windows (or Unix)-based. Is Microsoft really hurting so bad that they need to hire Jerry Seinfeld for a barely-intelligible and quickly-canceled ad campaign? To mitigate this failure to capture 110% of the computing market, Microsoft has created a new and very original series of ads:

"The TV campaign, called 'Pride', shows people from all walks of life who all state 'I'm a PC'." (Guardian UK)

Finally, the closeted PC users of the world can proudly say that they are PCs. We are not concerned with being 'uncool' or wearing corrective optics! Sure, we might be a humble fish monger (0:59 on the first ad), but we will no longer abide the derision from you Mac users. You with your cool haircuts and your elitist soy lattes and your sleeve tattoos and your pure-as-undriven-snow colored laptops. There are literally dozens of us PC users. Dozens! We will not be silent. We will not be afraid.

UPDATES WAS YES!: The Seinfeld/Gates ads are, apparently, not canceled.


Nudibranchs (Go Ahead, Try and Pronounce It)

It has long been my belief that all the denizens of the ocean are perfectly designed killing machines (yes, even plankton) honed over millions of years of evolution to do nothing but viciously rend asunder any and all terrestrial beings foolish enough to enter their domain.

But then I learned of the gentle, benevolent and beautiful Nudibranch. Oh, wait, they're actually cannibalistic carnivores! Nice work, nature. They're like snails without shells, performing their gas exchanges via billowy gills extending from their bodies. They prowl the deep... er, shallows, looking pretty but hiding a sinister motive: an insatiable hunger for other gastropod flesh. Don't be fooled: a nudibranch wouldn't think twice about eating you and everyone you love (so long as you and your loved ones happen to be aquatic invertebrates the size of a small zucchini).

Behold the stunning but deadly Nudibranch!

Consider yourself warned.