Rollie Fingers Facial Hair

Rollie Fingers has an amazing mustache. He grew it while he was pitching for the Oakland A's so that he could get a $300 bonus.

Because of his mustache, he was pretty much the best relief pitcher for all of the 1970s.

Because of his mustache, he was a 3 times world series champion.

Because of his mustache, he was inducted into the baseball hall of fame.

Because of his mustache, he owed Wisconsin 1.4 million dollars in back taxes.

Rollie Fingers still maintains the same handlebar amazingness today.

I Make My Best Decisions Drunk: Part 2

Internets Was Yes will soon become a blog only about drunk people getting arrested for making awful decisions. Our first example of this was of a man who farted on the police officer while receiving a breathalyzer test - that's assault son!

And today, we learned about another genius drunken decision.

Fargo police said two men were arrested for drunken driving in the same vehicle. Police Lt. Pat Claus said an officer pulled over a 23-year-old man early Thursday morning. Claus said while that man was taking a sobriety test, a 24-year-old passenger got behind the wheel and tried to drive off.

Claus said the passenger was also arrested for drunken driving. Both men were taken to the Cass County jail.

Claus called the case "unique."

Quick! Distract him so I can get away!

Vladmir Putin Will Judo-Chop You

Vladmir Putin, Russian Prime Minister, reared his head once again today by releasing an instructional Judo video to celebrate his birthday.



The 56 year-old is not only a Judo champion, but a former KGB agent, tiger tracker, advanced skiier, and fisherman. Suffice to say, he could probably kick your ass.

"In a bout, compromises and concessions are permissible, but only in one case - if it is for victory." He tells viewers in the video.

I can only assume that his next move will to one-up Sarah Palin's hunting of wolves from a helicopter by entering the Alaskan wilderness (he can see it from his house) with nothing but a flint knife and a loincloth, returning a week later wearing a fine collection of pelts as the Alpha of his own pack of feral wolves.

Strippers Make More Tips While Fertile

Inspired by the Ig Nobel Prizes last week, I had to find out more about strippers. Apparently they make a lot more money while they are fertile.  But all I could find in the AP was, 

Miller, an associate professor of psychology at the University of New Mexico, and his colleagues knew of prior studies that found women are more attractive to men when at peak fertility. So they took the work one step further — by studying earnings of exotic dancers.

In the 18 subjects Miller studied, average earnings were $250 for a five-hour shift. That jumped to $350 to $400 per five-hour shift when the women were their most fertile, he said.

"I have heard, anecdotally, that some lap dancers have scheduled shifts based on this research," he said.

But this information was not nearly enough. I had to learn more about the majestic stripper. So I continued my search of the Internets, and found that Miller had conducted this study almost a year ago, and barely missed the Ig Nobel Prizes last year.

Fortunately, more of his study was published in Psychology Today in October 2007.

Thanks to Millers difficult research, we learn that strippers made about $70 an hour during their peak period of fertility, versus about $35 while menstruating and $50 in between. Also, strippers on the pill only made an average of $37 and had no performance peaks, while fertile strippers made an average of $53 an hour.

Miller links the wage fluctuations to changes in body odor, waist-to-hip ratio, and facial features. Despite operating at the upper limits of flirtatiousness already, he says there may also be subtle shifts in their behavior—"how they talk and move when enticing a customer to buy a dance, and how they perform the dance itself."

This study is great, and sheds a lot of light on the earning potential of strippers. But now I am curious about if there is anything male strippers can do to seem more fertile? Also, this seems to only talk about regular stripping, but what about lap dances? Is this included? I must learn more!

Rampaging Kid Feeds Zoo Animals To Crocodile

A super crazy 7-year-old boy got away from his parents at an austrailian zoo this week and caused a major ruckus.  Like a ninja, he snuck past an elaborate security system and got into the animal holding area.

Then he went berserker for about 30 minutes.

He single-handedly killed 13 animals, worth a total of $5,500.

After hopping the fence the boy killed several lizards by bashing them with rocks.  He fed a string of small reptiles to an 11-foot salt water crocodile.  In the picture above he is throwing a turtle over a wall.

His parents are being charged for this totally insane act.  I bet they wish they could just drop him off and let the state deal with him now.  Too bad they don't live in Nebraska.

[Source]   

I Make My Best Decisions Drunk!

I think if there is ever a really big decision to be made, you should do it while you are drunk. As far as I can tell, the drunker you are, the easier it is to make a good decision.

For a shining example of a string of great decisions please consider this man.

Jose Cruz from West Virginia had a lot to drink last night. He then proceeded to get in his car and drive (Good Decision #1). Perhaps in an enlightened moment, Cruz decided to drive without his headlights on as to not draw any attention to his night time swerving (Good Decision #2).

Cruz was pulled over shortly after; stealth mode had obviously failed him. Cruz then failed his sobriety test (I am guessing it was not the SAT), and was arrested.

When Jose Cruz was brought in to get his fingerprints done he did the smartest thing ever. He paused, leaned over next to the officer, and farted on him (Good Decision #3).

According to the Criminal Complaint:

Cruz "scooted the 4 feet to PTLM. Parons, Away from Officer Cook, and lifted his leg and passed gas loudly on Parons. The Defendant then fanned the air with his hands in front of his rear onto Parons. The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature..."

And for this amazing act, Cruz was given not only A DUII, but he was also charged with battery of a police officer.

Bravo Sir!

Full Criminal Report (PDF)